The Inner Feeling

     It has been six years since I arrived to the United States. I could not even believe that I have been here this long. The time has gone by so fast that I did not even realized the things that I had done. Thinking about the old days, back in the refugee camp in the middle of nowhere in Thailand, the place where most Thai people were afraid to enter because of the rumors about HIV, and realizing how much I have learned throughout these years in the United States, I could not believe that I am in college now, at St.Olaf. When I was a little kid, my parents could not afford to send my two older sisters and I to a good school. In fact, I did not even go to school. My family and other Hmong people in the refugee camp were illegal immigrants who escaped the "Secret War" in Laos during the Vietnam War. My father and grandfather were the "old" CIA recruited soldiers.

     Because we were not Thai citizens, education was limited to the Hmong people. The highest level of education for the Hmong refugees was only 6th grade. "What can you do with this education?" I asked myself. Today, I cannot even find an appropriate answer for this question. And, I don't know. I only knew that I worked as a labor for the Thai people at the age of 8 in their cornfields. The conditions were horrible because you had to work under the sun from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. This was how my family and other Hmong families made their living.

     When I grew older, at the age of 14 in the refugee camp, I saw that my opportunity was limited because I did not have any basic education. I did not know any basic math and basic reading skills. I was illiterate. My life was getting harder and harder. When I grew older and older, I started to think more wider and broader. My needs were unlimited. I had seen many Hmong people died because they could not afford to go to the hospital. I had seen people starving to death. I had seen people killing each other for food. And, finally, I cried because I could not do anything to help. I could not even help myself. Sometimes, my family went days without any food on the table.

     Today, I live in America. I have realized how much opportunity that I have right now. I will turn my impossible dream back in the refugee camp into reality someday in my life. This is the "immigrants' dreams" when they come to the United States. Freedom from want!